Immersion into another culture can lead to questioning the validity of cultural values. The value system in Nepal is simply not the same as it is in the U.S.
On Wednesday night, Tashi, the father in my host family, dropped a friend of mine off at her guesthouse on his motorcycle, the vehicle of choice in Nepal. He later said to me, “Stephanie asked me if I wanted to meet your other friend (Lauren) and I said no” (according to Stephanie, he just asked, “Who’s Lauren?” and left without addressing the request). It was innocently assumed that he was just in a hurry to get home even though he did not give her an excuse or a reason for ignoring the request. An American who did not want to meet someone might have tried to immediately dissipate any awkwardness, but Tashi was indifferent.
He continued explaining to me, “I have no negativity about it. It is just not important. People around here do not talk to others with whom they have no business.” His wife Pema affirmed his comments. When asked to clarify, she used a metaphor to emphasize the apathy: “It’s like being asked, ‘Do you want water,’ and answering, ‘No, I don’t want any. I’m not thirsty.’” The lack of amiability among strangers does not have a positive or negative charge; it is not an issue but a way of life that is accepted unanimously, a convention.
Now why might this way of life seem odd to us? Many people might try to argue why being open to talking with strangers for small talk or being open to meeting new people can be a positive or negative thing, and understandably so. Our values can easily be taken for granted, and when this is the case, we fit every unfamiliar thought, behavior, or attitude into a cozy little pocket within our mind’s hierarchical value system, whether we are aware of this need to systematize or not.
Could the outwardly unusual nature of Tashi’s behavior point to the fact that a value judgment has already been made? Believing that he was in too much of a hurry to get home is a projection of our own values onto another culture; that explanation would more than likely suffice for a plethora of similar behaviors in the U.S. If you have spoken with local Nepali people however, you will soon realize that people here are hardly ever in a hurry. Being stressed out and busy is disgusting, revolting (sorry Wall Street, but this is an exaggeration that is mostly true). Lollygagging is rampant.
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